Charity….my five year old. My first born.
The first to make me a mother, and I completely doted over her from the day she was born. For the first time, I could honestly say I’d met someone that I would give absolutely everything for and do everything in my power to make sure they received everything in return. The emotions were so overwhelming potent that just the thought of the reality of her in my life could bring me to tears.
I shared all these first mommy moments with her that were so special. While I don’t consider myself a very sentimental person; this girl weakened that part of me (or strengthened it depending on how you look at it). The pregnancy carried great sentimental value for me, and there was a sweet little sentiment behind everything she did and every moment we shared. Even when toddlers are said to be at their worst (terrible two’s and three’s), she was my best! My road dog….my ace boon coon. I can imagine this is how Sally Field’s character felt about her daughter in Steel Magnolia.
Steel Magnolias. That dang Steel Magnolias. There has NEVER been a movie in the history of all movies that made me cry like this movie did. I mean snot slangin’ ugly cry, but I digress.
Abigail……my 7 week old. The Sequel.
Rashid and I decided we wanted to add another arrow in our little quiver. You know, round out the family with a little boy. The only thing is, our little boy turned out to be another little girl.
I spent most of 2015 carrying the second little darling of ours. I’d forgotten what it was like to be pregnant after 5 years, but I do know I wasn’t too fond of it either time. To be honest with you, I didn’t really feel much of a connection to the baby during the pregnancy. I knew she was in there. I was happy she was in there, but my mind hadn’t caught up with the realization that she would be coming. I suspect it was because I was actively working and raising another child so there wasn’t much down time to think about a whole lot. That and I had a case of acid reflux you wouldn’t wish on your worse enemy.
There was a thought that came to mind a couple of times that I have only voiced once.
How in the world am I going to love this child they way I love my first?? Charity was the first to make me a mom, and that was my girl! I knew a second baby would change the dynamic of our relationship, I just wasn’t sure how.
I’ve heard parents say how they love all of their children the same. I just couldn’t fathom how it was so. (I am being real here.) I had spent five years getting to know this awesome little reflection of myself. I knew her and she knew me. We had established a wonderful rapport. This new little girl….I didn’t know a thing about her. I figured she would be cute and precious as all get out (as most babies are), but I was starting over from the beginning. To tell you the truth, the thought of starting over annoyed me, but I was willing to roll with it.
About 7 to 8 months into the pregnancy. Things started to click and I was ready to renovate the whole house to make room for Abby and all her stuff (babies come with lots of STUFF…just stuff all over the place. Charity and I plotted about how we were going to welcome her home and how she (Charity) was going to be the best big sister ever! The whole house was excited!
As soon as the doc handed Abby to me I realized how ridiculous my previous thoughts were. How could I love another kid as much as I love the first? Because she is just as much a part of me as the first. Just as much….not more and not less. These are my girls….my blessings. My gifts from God.
While Abby is just as special to me as Charity, I feel that I’ve approached this go at parenthood with a slightly more level head and not as much emotion, as I know some of things that are coming my way…….LORD HELP!
Does any of this make any kind of sense?